


All I wanted was for you to be safe... and so I left...

by remain_nameless



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cora is a great sister, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt!Derek, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, mentions of other relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remain_nameless/pseuds/remain_nameless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after 3x12. </p><p>Derek Hale leaves Beacon Hills and Stiles is left alone with his feelings towards the werewolf.<br/>He wants to forget Derek but no matter what, he can't.<br/>One sleepless night he receives a text message that gives him both hope for Derek's return and an unnerving feeling that something is wrong with him.</p><p>I'm really bad at summaries (and titles apparently), so just give it a read :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm haunted by the memories of you

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write this. I did my best and I hope you enjoy this fanfic, and if so, comments and kudos are much appreciated ^_^  
> Also this is unbeta'd, I did my best to avoid mistakes, but if you find any, please let me know :)

It’s been over a month since Derek Hale left Beacon Hills. He didn’t say goodbye and didn’t even care enough to leave a note behind. Stiles still remembered the night the news hit him.

‘Stiles, I’m sorry but Derek left,’ Scott paused for a moment ‘and I’m not sure if he’s ever coming back’  
His voice echoed inside Stiles’ head. _Left._ He could feel another panic attack closing in. _No, pull yourself together, not in front of the rest. No.  
 _ ‘Oh, okay… yeah, fine, that’s probably for the best’ Stiles tried to shrug it off, but he knew the pack could hear his heartbeat, rapid and unsteady. He felt as if his heart served as a cage to a rabid animal or something.   
_Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale._ He let the air out of his lungs with loud gasp.  
‘So… what do we do now? Carry on as if everything’s back to normal?’ he said silently, it wasn’t a question directed to any of the pack members, or even the pack in general; it was more as if he was asking himself.

Even now when Stiles would lie in bed and let his mind wander off, his thoughts would always find a way to Derek Hale. He regretted never telling the man how he felt. And, truth be told it wasn’t until Hale left, that Stiles was sure. He loved Derek. It was pure. Stiles didn’t need a hero to protect or rescue him; he was surprisingly fine on his own. He didn’t need Derek, and he was pretty sure Derek didn’t need him either. But Stiles still felt this strange attraction towards the werewolf.

Hundreds of scents haunted his nostrils every time he would think about Derek. The scent of his burned-down house, the scent of the woods around it, and finally the scent of the man himself. Hell, he even remembered how the air and the sun smelt the day they first met. But it wasn’t the only sense that decided to torture Stiles with memories. Every time he closed his eyes he would see how Derek’s lips curved when he smiled, despite how rarely he did so. He would see the way his hair swayed in the wind and the way his face turned into a grimace when he was hurt.   
It was so vivid that he had to stop his hands from trying to feel Derek’s skin and it hurt so much that Stiles sometimes wished for another supernatural crisis, just to help him forget about his own.

But Beacon Hills was as quiet and peaceful as never before. Life carried on and everyone seemed to enjoy this. Even the pack seemed to forget about their ex-alpha.   
Wandering around school’s corridor Stiles was exposed to the view of couples everywhere around him. Allison and Isaac seemed happy together, so did Danny and Ethan.   
Lydia’s relationship with Aiden was the tough one, they would fight often and after that Lydia would complain to Stiles, since Allison had less time for her now.   
She would come to his house and complain, then cry and laugh and then cry some more. Still, Stiles hoped they would turn out just okay.   
The crush he developed towards Lydia was gone now, its place taken by another.

He couldn’t escape couples even at his own house.   
These days Sheriff and Melissa seemed to grow fonder of each other. And even Stiles had to admit they were good together. Finally his father had someone else than his son to care for him.   
  
Scott seemed okay with Allison and Isaac, though it has taken him time to stop avoiding both of them and come to terms with Allison moving on.   
Scott and Stiles were still best friends, but now they would meet even more often than before. Family dinners, even if they weren’t called so officially, now consisted of four people. Melissa would cook, and during the dinner, she and Sheriff would every so often tease their kids about being single.   
At the mention of which Scott would give his mother the ‘don’t even start’ look and Stiles would roll his eyes.   
Then they would laugh, but to Stiles it wasn’t funny at all. He felt sharp pain in both his stomach and his heart at even the slightest mention of love.

As days turned into weeks, Stiles tried to force himself to forget. He wanted Derek Hale to get out of his system. For some time he thought it was working, but then someone would mention him and Stiles would crumble again. After which he would try even harder, but with no obvious success. He was beginning to think it was all so dumb, how could he love someone he barely knew? Maybe he imagined it all and somehow forced himself to believe it?   
Later he would think that he was sentenced to hurt silently over the love that never really happened. He felt like it was a hopeless situation and he tried to come to terms with the possibility of never being okay again.

And then, one sleepless night his phone buzzed on the bedside table. He reluctantly picked it up and looked at it.   
The brightness of the screen almost blinded him, and almost physically pained his eyes.  
He blinked a few times before they adjusted to the light. The message came from an unknown number.

‘Come to the flat. I think I need your help.’

His heart started beating furiously as if trying to make its way out of his chest, his breathing quickened and became shallow, cold sweat started running down his back.  
  
 _Could it be? Is Derek back? Does he really NEED Stiles?_  
  
But then Stiles noticed one last word at the bottom of the message. It was signed ‘Cora’.  
He couldn’t make sense of this situation. What could she possibly want from him? Of course, it must be about her brother. And all of a sudden Stiles got this unnerving feeling that something bad has happened, and he couldn’t shake it off.

Stiles hastily pulled on his hoodie and jeans and ran to the car. His grip tightened so hard on the steering wheel that his knuckles turned white and popped at the joints. He took a deep breath and started the ignition. 


	2. I think you might be his last hope...

Before he even realized it, Stiles was pushing open the door to the loft.   
The lights were out, but in the dim light of the moon he could make out a silhouette in a chair in front of him. He reached over to the light switch and when it illuminated the room he saw Cora, sitting motionless with the tip of the thumb in her mouth.   
He stepped closer and saw a single tear running down her cheek. She didn’t even look up at the teenager.  
‘Stiles, I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve tried everything and it’s just not working’  
She muttered silently, her voice breaking.

Stiles’ knees went weak, he knew something was wrong, and he knew that it concerned Derek.   
Without as much as a single word he sat on the couch next to Cora’s chair and gripped her palm with his long, bony fingers. It wasn’t something he would usually do, but Cora seemed so fragile, he just hoped it would stop her from falling apart. For a moment they were both quiet, but inside, Stiles was shaking.

Cora looked him in the eye ‘He won’t even talk to me anymore’  
‘What happened?’ he asked, realizing his breathing became unsteady and his palms began to sweat.  
‘It was fine at the beginning, we left and Derek seemed relieved. For a week or so it was great, he would even crack a joke or two,’ –she paused to loudly inhale air into her lungs – ‘but then he started becoming more and more distant.’  
‘Meaning what?’ Stiles asked, and Cora could hear genuine distress in his voice so similar to hers.

She told him about how he would start avoiding her, how he would get all jumpy at the slightest mention of Beacon Hills and the latest events.   
Cora figured her brother was hurt, once again he was led up the garden path, and another girlfriend of his turned out to be a psycho-killer. She understood how it would hurt him, and so she stopped talking about it at all. But when she would catch him staring at his phone for hours, she knew that wasn’t the case.   
  
‘I’m not stupid Stiles, I knew he was missing something, or... someone’ –Stiles could have sworn he saw a faint glimpse of a smile across her face. He never commented on it and just let her talk.   
Cora admitted that she might have pushed him a bit too hard about it, and eventually Derek would shut her out completely. He wasn’t mad or anything, and that’s what bothered her the most.   
‘He didn’t seem hurt Stiles; he just seemed so… empty’

‘What does this have to do with me?’ He asked despite the voice in his head shouting _everything, you fool_  
‘I don’t know Stiles, maybe nothing, maybe…’ she cut off mid-sentence before picking up a different train of thought.  
 ‘Stiles, when I was lying here, dying, he gave up everything to save me…’ her voice gave away how hard she tried not to cry ‘…and now, I’m just trying to do the same for him. I might not understand what’s going on, but I’m running out of ideas and I'm hoping you can help’   
  
Cora told Stiles about how Derek swore never to return to Beacon Hills again, how he swore he would not let anyone else get hurt because of him.   
She explained how she dragged him all the way back here, and how he just gave up trying to protest. She told Stiles how he would sit in the car, staring numbly in the distance for the whole drive.  
‘I think returning here was what he wanted most to do and to avoid at the same time’ she added.

‘Where is he?’  
‘In his bed, he hadn’t left it since we got here’

She looked at Stiles and then at the door to Derek’s bedroom.  
She never said it, but Stiles knew Cora wanted him to go there. He got up and steadily moved towards the door, hesitating for a moment before turning the knob.


	3. Hurting you was never my intention.

He peeked into the room before entering.   
Derek was sitting on the bed, back against the wall and his knees pulled to his chin. Stiles hesitated for a moment and finally chose to lean against the window.  
 _This is it Stiles, all or nothing_ he thought to himself.

‘What’s wrong Derek?’  
The werewolf didn’t bother to answer and he kept staring blankly at his own bare feet.  
‘You’re not gonna answer, are you? Well, that’s fine; you can just sit there and pretend I’m not here. No big deal, really’  
Stiles tried to stay still but he couldn’t and ultimately ended up pacing nervously around the bed.   
Thousands of thoughts were racing through his mind all at once. He couldn’t bring himself to think clearly. He put his thumb into his mouth and bit on it before speaking again.  
‘No, actually it’s not fine. Stop pretending Derek, stop trying to avoid all of this. I don’t know what’s going on inside your little werewolf head, I really don’t, I’d like to but I don’t. So tell me. Tell me and I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.’ He said all of this on one breath, and now desperately gasped for air.   
Derek didn’t even flinch and Stiles was pacing even faster now.

‘You’re pissing me off Stiles’ Derek broke the silence after a few long minutes.  
‘Oh! He speaks!’ Stiles exclaimed waving one of his hands in a mocking gesture.  
‘Just stop it Stiles’  
‘Stop what Derek? Moving? Talking? Or maybe I should just stop breathing and die?’  
Once again the man went silent and clenched his arms around his legs even tighter  
‘Huh, Derek? Which one is it?’  
‘Stop caring!’ He blurted out  
  
 _Stop caring._ His words kept repeating in Stiles’ head. He immediately came to a halt and just stared into Derek’s face.   
In his eyes he could see a whole spectrum of emotions. Hurt. Distress. Sadness. Guilt. Hopelessness.

Stiles has no idea how long he stood like this. Fists clenched and his whole body shaking. He was unable to move as if struck by lightning.   
He thought that this is it; Derek Hale wants him out of his life. Maybe he didn’t use the exact words, but to the teenager that is what he meant.  
  
 _Don’t give up Stiles. Don’t give up._  
  
‘Stop caring, really? How can you expect me to?’ He screamed and it sounded like a cry of an animal fighting for its life.  
But at least it finally forced Derek to look at him. The grimace on his face showed such pain that Stiles wasn’t sure if he has ever seen the werewolf like this  
‘Why can’t you stay away Stiles? Why do you have to come back every damn time I push you away? Why don’t you get it?’  
‘Get what?’ Stiles’ voice shaking as the words left his mouth  
‘That I’m trying to protect you…’ Derek cried out  
‘But you’re only hurting me sourwolf’ Stiles said softly, almost whispering with slight smile forming on his lips.  
He now moved towards the bed and sat on its edge, still far from Derek’s reach.

‘Hurting you,’ the wolf moved a bit closer and covered Stiles’ palm with his own ‘was never my intention’  
‘But you keep on doing it, over and over again’ Stiles regretted saying it the moment the words left his mouth  
‘I’m sorry, it’s my fault Stiles, I’m the one responsible for everything, I’m the reason for all of this, and I’m the reason everyone around me gets hurt’ Derek agonized with tears gathering in his eyes.  
‘You can’t keep blaming yourself, not everything is your fault Derek, you can’t do this to yourself, just let it go’  
‘I’m trying but I can’t Stiles. I just can’t’  
‘You can. Let me help you’ Stiles pleaded, noticing the position of Derek’s hand.  
Had the situation been any different Stiles would have blushed, probably moved back embarrassed, but he craved Hale’s touch for so long, and he wasn’t sure if it would ever happen again.

‘I want to let you in, believe me, I do, but whenever I try there’s this voice in my head and it tells me I’ll just hurt you. And I couldn’t live with myself if I did’  
Stiles noticed a tear running down Derek’s cheek and used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe it away.  
‘You won’t Derek, I know you won’t’ Stiles said consolingly.

The teenager could hear the blood pumping through his veins, his skin burning hot as he pulled closer to the man he loved and who, he was now sure, loved him back.  
Their mouths met in a soft kiss and on Derek’s lips Stiles tasted the salt of his tears, his pain, his guilt and everything Derek Hale was.   
  
On his lips he tasted love.  
  
And they both knew it was going to be fine, because from now on they had each other.


End file.
